The basic mechanics of the blowjob are simple – the penis goes into your mouth, then out, then back in. Wash, rinse, repeat until orgasm. But the true skill that is involved with giving a good blowjob means going above and beyond the basics. Oral sex is a learned art, one that you’re constantly re-learning with each new partner. People don’t typically openly discuss fine details about sexual technique, so much of what is learned is through experience. This means each person’s method will be a little different. It’s not something you can master without practicing, but there are some general rules to follow and tips that can prepare you for a foray into the world of cocksucking. Here are some helpful tips (pun intended) that I’ve learned over the years, in no particular order.
There is more to oral sex than the act of sucking. The best experiences include as many of the senses as possible, especially sight and sound. Pretend you’re putting on a performance for your partner, not just trying to get them off. Make occasional eye contact, moan & groan loudly, use your hands to knead their thighs/stomach/testicles. Behave as though you’re getting aroused by sucking on them, even if you’re not. Men are extremely visual when it comes to stimulation, so giving him something to watch while he’s enjoying your mouth will greatly enhance his pleasure.
Treat oral sex like a symphony – start out light and slowly and build the intensity. Going into it with all whistles firing usually means it’s harder to reach climax, and when they do, it won’t be as good. The more you build, the more intense the experience. Starting slowly also gives you the opportunity to make use of techniques that might be easier on your mouth/jaw.
I have divided the sub-techniques into two categories: light and intense. As a general rule I won’t backtrack – once I’ve started in intense, I don’t go back to light. Basically, once the head of their penis gets in my mouth, I stick with the intense activities. You want to keep the momentum moving forward.
- Massaging stomach, thighs, butt, pecs, or any other non-penis body part
- Light kisses anywhere, including penis
- Tickling with a feather, hair, or other objects
- Licking anywhere except anus, including the shaft
- Talking dirty – describing what you’re doing, or what you plan to do
- Sucking on the top half of the penis (this will vary since penises are many different sizes)
- Manually masturbating the penis with your hand
- Massaging testicles
- Sucking on testicles
- Licking anus
- Deep throating/gagging
Okay, so now you’ve teased him, got him squirming, and his penis is in your mouth. Now what? Unfortunately, a lot of what you do will depend on the size of his penis and the size of your mouth. If you’re struggling because he’s thick, it’s going to be more difficult than a penis of small or average size. For ease of explanation, I’m going to describe my technique on a man of average size.
Once you’ve got him all riled up with the light stuff, the most crucial element is consistency. Keep the rhythm going no matter what! If your jaw gets sore, then switch to using your hand while talking dirty to him. Or put just the head in your mouth while pumping the shaft. DO NOT STOP. Imagine trying to run uphill during an avalanche – if you stop, you get pushed back toward the bottom, making it that much harder to get to the peak.
One common misconception about this activity is that you have to suck on the penis, like you’re pulling water through a straw. While SOME suction is nice, especially in the beginning, that’s not the most important thing. Men respond better to a regular rhythm and deep thrusting than they do to actual sucking.
Just like women have more sensitize zones, men also have “hot spots.” Also, like women, each man will respond differently to stimuli. Some may have other hot spots, some may have none at all. These are generally the most common sensitive areas, as shown in the photo:
The trick with sensitive spots is to favour your attention on them, but don’t exclude everything else. You’ll want to vary your area of focus because only working on one spot can de-sensitize it. In about 99% of men I’ve encountered, the head is the most sensitive area and the further down the shaft you go, the less sensitive it becomes. So that’s good news – even if you can’t deep throat, you can still bring him immense pleasure!
Learning to deep throat is tricky and requires a lot of practice and patience. It took me ten years to feel comfortable enough to work on my technique, and now another ten years later I feel like I can still improve. The best way I can describe it is like this: you want your throat to mimic how it acts when you yawn. It’s about opening as wide as you can, like you’re singing in low tones, to allow deeper oral penetration. It requires PATIENCE, and PRACTICE, and you will occasionally gag. Don’t be discouraged if longer and thicker penises just won’t go all the way in – unless you’re a professional sword swallower, everyone has a limit.
Finally, the most crucial piece of advice I can give, is that every guy is different! You can incorporate learning about his preferences into dirty talk, so it feels less clinical. For instance, lightly massage his testicles while looking him in the eye and saying, “You like that? You want more?” in a seductive voice. And read his reactions – squirming, moaning, hips thrusting, grabbing your hair, and grunting are all good signs.
When it comes to orgasm (spit vs. swallow), it’s all about personal preference. Don’t be afraid to lay down the rules ahead of time. I personally don’t allow ejaculate in my mouth, and I state that very openly upfront. If the man has a problem then he doesn’t get the reward.
I hope this explanation is helpful to some out there. Feel free to comment with any questions or concerns. Happy playing!