Teachable Moment #1

Let me set the scene:

A guy I met on Whisper a couple of months ago seemed nice. He was friendly, seemed caring, and I found him attractive. I was about to suggest a meeting when he started talking about wanting to “get his dick wet.” I realized he was only nice to try to sleep with me, so I ended the conversation promptly and politely. I had no desire to be used like that especially when his intentions weren’t clear from the beginning.

This morning, he messaged me again. Here’s what happened (His words are in blue and mine are pink. The red writing is my commentary on the conversation):

asstalk

This is an abridged version of the conversation. I cut out the stuff that didn’t really pertain to the topic.

I’m posting this so women can understand what red flags to look for when talking to men online, and for men to understand what a woman is thinking when they act like assholes.

I hope someone, somewhere learns a lesson from this otherwise giant waste of time.

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Dating Site/App Reviews

Quick note: this post is targeted toward women.

POF

Plenty of Fish is actually pretty decent. It has a lot of filtering options and advanced search criteria. There seems to be a good representation of age, ethnicity, and locations. I’ve noticed there’s a larger percentage of working class (vs. white collar) people on there, probably because it’s a free site. I have had some unpleasant encounters but I’ve also met some quality people from there. I’ve noticed not many men actually put effort into writing a decent profile. All the same it’s definitely worth trying.

OKcupid

I love that you can instantly see the percentage you match with someone, which is generated by answering questions they provide. It helps to see how compatible you could be with someone before you even message them. The downside is that if you view someone’s profile, they get notified about it, so men tend to be pushier about getting a response. There seems to be a higher than normal amount of couples looking for a third to join them, and people in openly polyamorous relationships. I hate that about 90% of the messages I receive are from men in Africa and the Middle East, despite my profile saying locals only (I guess people on OKcupid don’t read). I’ve only met one person from that site and it was okay; not great but not terrible.

Happn

I had this app installed on my phone for about two days and then deleted it. My only match was with a horribly misogynistic guy who was super rude. It kind of turned me off the whole thing.

Whisper

I was shocked to discover that even the most innocent post will result in dozens, if not hundreds, of replies. Most of these come in the form of hormonal teenagers looking to get laid – and they are very aggressive about it. One respondent told me he’s hooked up with 15 different girls through Whisper, which completely blew my mind. It’s not meant to be a dating app but apparently it’s used that way. As an experiment, I whispered one word: sex. It had a photo of bright red lips. Within 1 minute, I had 6 private messages. By 5 minutes, I had 12. At the 10 minute mark I was up to 16.

Reddit

Although not traditionally used for dating, the r4r subreddit is where people post personal ads looking for anything from pen pals to casual hookups. I’ve posted a couple of times and have had some luck with responses. I’ve discovered that the best policy is to keep it short, preferably in list form, and blunt. Most men seem to have a “can’t hurt to try” mentality when they don’t fit my criteria which I find highly irritating – don’t respond if you’re not what I’m looking for!!! But once you wade through all those junk messages, there’s usually at least one or two gems worth getting to know.

Tinder

I think I may have had half a dozen conversations out of my hundreds of matches. Tinder seems to be more of a self-esteem booster than anything else and most people on there only want a quick hookup. The good thing is you don’t have to feel guilty about rejecting someone since only those you like can message you. The down side is people tend to be flaky and unresponsive, or they lose interest quickly and the conversation dwindles.